The Cancer New Moon made me a Crybaby...

It's not shocking that the new moon in cancer brought (is bringing?) A LOT of emotions up to the surface. It's a cardinal water sign known for FEELING. Her ruling planet is the moon, and she's represented by a crab (think: hard outer shell/protective, and soft inner self/vulnerable), so all signs point to big emotions.

This season presents an opportunity to traverse the depths of your inner and outer self, and feel/heal big emotions. Cancer is often seen as "the mother" of the zodiac, and in the physcial body the sign rules the breasts, stomach, and womb spaces. So again, NOT shocking that I (a new mother) am relating to and feeling especially affected by this energy.

Last night I was hyper emotional. All day actually. Throughout the morning and afternoon I picked and pinched (like a crab) at my partner and small discrepancies I'd been feeling until they became big waves we had to ride (and communicate through) together. Thankfully we're pretty good at that. In the evening we attempted (and failed) a version of "sleep training" for our 9 month old son (who has co-slept since birth and still wakes very frequently most evenings). I only lasted an hour before quitting the "plan" we'd talked about the evening before (truly, infant sleep and the pressures around "sleep training," ect. could be a whole other blog so I'm not going to get too into that). But it was a lot for me. Even though I never left Sam's cribside and never let him cry longer than a few minutes, the fact that I was trying to get him to sleep alone in his room made me feel guilty (only because he was GREATLY and immediately unhappy every time I transferred him from my arms to his crib). I sobbed as I gave up, saying to Chris, "This is cruel, I can't do it, he's not ready" and carried him back to our bed, where I continued to stare at him and cry as he peacfully slept.

The guilt that mothers allow themselves to feel, is real. The depths of love that we hold are as deep as the ocean. And cancer season opens up a watery portal to that space where we allow ourselves to go there. Feeling that deeply is scary for many people. And allowing those feelings to be seen by someone else, or communicated about, is downright impossible for some people (perhaps a past version of myself even). But I'm happy and proud to be at a place in my life where I can transmute the waves of emotion by releasing. What I mean by that is: I can be like water - I can flow, crash, and find a way around (or through) the expansive network of emotions I carry.

I think again about the crab: it's a really resiliant animal, who can live on land or in water, ferociously protects itself from predators when needed, but is also more than happy to burrow down and hide away in t he sand. It has an ability to "side-walk" which can be representative of knowing when to step aside and when to attack from a different angle. Essentially crabs are just super adaptable, and today I'm feeling very inspired by that (probably only because I allowed myself to cry, feel, and move through the "rough stuff" yesterday).

Every new moon and new season (and all kinds of other planertary alignments and rotations) give us an opportunity to tap into a change of energetics, and a chance to observe our self in those energetics. It just, to me, feels like this cancer new moon is something special. Special enough to make me write about it. And special enough to motivate me to open up my calendar for online tarot readings (something I haven't done since maybe before I was even pregnant?!). I miss working with beautiful people, and spirit, through the cards. If the idea of a reading speaks to you at this time, please feel free to reach out so we can find a time that works well for us to connect.

Happy New Moon, if you're feeling crabby, or sad girl, remember only you can decide to feel something else (and feeling something else will only be genuine if you acknowledge and work through the first feelings).

~Namaste~