Fight Night and The Full Moon

Last night, we had a big one. A "night fight," if you will. Ten months of sleep deprevation, on top of a full moon approaching with big energy (more on this later), created a perfect storm of 2 a.m. screaming between my partner and I.

"Tonight is my least favorite night of parenting we've ever had," I said to him once we finished and started to get back in bed. "He [our baby] doesn't deserve parents who yell at each other like that."

Neither of us was completely unscathed from witnessing dysfunctional disagreement in childhood, and we're not looking to repeat patterns.

He agreed, and by this point we had thankfully already been doing some more regulated communicating, and problem solving. I'm grateful we're pretty good at that. We both understand that neither of us is ever trying to hurt or upset the other one. There are never malicious intentions. But one persons intention and the other's interpretation don't always meet each other on the same page. And when we both haven't slept well in nearly a year, no exaggeration, it can be especially easy for those pages to feel like they're in seperate books.

Surely, other parents know exactly what I mean. Particularly parents of children who don't sleep easily. Sleep deprevation is seriously so rough on the nervous system (as well as other things), and it has made me "trigger happy." Not all the time, but a lot of the time.

Full moons generally light up areas that have been sitting in the dark, or shadows. This full moon sits in Capricorn, the father of the zodiac, while Earth is in the sign of Cancer, the mother of the zodiac. These two signs are opposite each other on the axis, and can bring up themes of tradition, legacy, and public vs private life. Earth sign Capricorn is grounded but sometimes rigid, or stern. Water sign Cancer is highly emotional and cares deeply. So, really it's not surpising that these celestial opposites would be reflecting opposition in our own lives and homes at this time.

"The Cancer-Capricorn axis reminds us that 'content' and 'container' are like yin and yang; they constitute each other. The soft substance of the Cancer quality —emotional, sensitive, and vulnerable— needs the solid, structured, and objective qualities of Capricorn to contain it." (saltwateryoga.com)

When you think of "polar opposites" (which is the energy at play here) you can choose to think of intense attraction, or complete repulsion. If the full moon is throwing you a hard ball, focus on grounding and connection. Go outside and take a walk. Take deep breaths. Hug. Apologize. Listen to understand, not to respond. It's easier said than done, but it's worth it.

This full moon also aligns with Pluto which relates to themes of power, control, conflict, and intensity. If there was ever a perfect time to have a big fight with your partner, it makes sense it would be now.

"Moon conjunct Pluto brings such deep feelings that they can be overwhelming. Personal interactions become intense and revealing. They help you access your true feelings and discover someone else’s feelings about you. Memories, emotions and compulsions buried deeply in your subconscious may be exposed. You can even become obsessed with your feelings and have trouble focusing on anything else." Yikes. But wait, there's a positive here...

"The July 2024 full moon is well-aspected to Mars and Neptune to bring ample healing energy. The symmetrical pattern they create brings security, protection and harmony. It allows for the peaceful resolution of conflicts and eases the crisis of extreme polarization." (astrologyking.com)

Anyone on a spiritual journey knows that you often have to go to the dark shadowy places before you can fully step into the light. And that back and forth, up and down, wild ride of life happens over and over. So yes, we had a bad night fight. We cussed, stomped, and said mean things. But then, we talked about why we felt like needing to do that. We dug deeper, and found the reasons for our frustrations in our own selves, instead of each other. Then we held each other through the hurt. We comforted and loved each other through the ugly bits.

I've heard a piece of advice for new parents that goes something like, "Never hold grudges for the things that are said in the evening. In the morning, let it all be forgotten." There's of course always a line, but I like the sentiment. When the evening is dark, look for a light. And if it's too dark to find one, know that the sun will rise soon enough.

Happy Full Moon, from an apologetic and forgiving Mama, who is giving herself and her lover grace. We all deserve more of that.