Quick Check-In and a Collective Prayer

Hellooo and Happy Tuesday. Did you know that Tuesday's are often referred to as "the most productive day of the work week?" I'm feeling that energy today, and I'm super thankful for it, because I haven't posted a blog in 11 days, and while that's not a SUPER long period of time, it's longer than the arbitrary deadline I gave myself when I started consistently blogging. I only bring this up as an acknowledge to the "high standards" we often hold ourselves to, which is something I've been thinking a lot about. Why do we do that? I'm not saying it's bad to have high standards, or big goals (that's actually awesome) but why do we beat ourselves up if we don't do things "perfectly", or as quickly, or "correctly" as we wanted to? Truth be told, I can almost guarantee, no one has thought, "Malana hasn't posted a blog in awhile" and even if someone did think that, they definitely didn't add, "She's so lazy and not working her business to it's full potential." Which is what I've told myself a couple times over the last few days, trying to think about a blog post. We all do this, well most of us anyway, (or maybe I'm projecting lol); we set expectations of ourself that are pretty lofty, and then get defeated when we don't hit them. Instead, we "should" (hate that word) give ourselves compassion, and recognize that sometimes our limit is lower than we set goals for, and that's OK. Finding moments of stillness, and rest, is so beneficial (but I feel like I've had a little too much of that lately). Motivation levels have been LOW people lol.

Truth be told, I've been feeling high highs, and some low lows lately. My group course is going fantastically, I love all the women in the group, and we're all connecting super well. I'm getting great feedback on how I'm helping them (and they're also helping me more than they could even know). I love getting to dive so deep with people who are working hard to better themselves and transform their lives - it's honestly the most beautiful thing I've ever experienced. But there is this sneaky little "limiting-self-belief" monster that lives in the depths of all of us, who has been popping up more than usual for me lately. The monster says, "You're not even that good at what you do," or "Well yeah you're helping these people, but what else are you doing?" It's so silly, logically I know that, but it feels good to be honest with you all about the ups and downs of owning your own business. Right now, I'm making more money than I ever have with my business. I'm getting new clients more frequently than I ever have. And I'm getting the most positive feedback that I've ever experienced. It feels SO good, but then, it doesn't. Maybe "imposter syndrome" is the word for it. It's like the bigger and better it gets, the harder it is for my internal self to believe that it's actually happening. There are some other things going on personally that I don't quite feel like delving into yet, but let's just say I've been finding myself looping back into old habits, or accepting things that I thought I'd worked through and set boundaries for. This happens to everyone. We do some work on ourselves, and break through old patterns, and then maybe we "backslide." My focus, when I realize I'm doing this, has been to pour more compassion into myself, and just recognize what I'm doing and recalibrate. Life is a continuous cycle of lessons, and many of us have to learn and relearn the same ones over and over. There's nothing wrong with that.

I definitely don't want to sound like I'm complaining. I know there are people with much larger issues going on. We're still in the middle of a global pandemic, which is literally killing people, and taking away people's loved ones. Even if people are physically healthy, I know this virus is hurting tons of people financially, so I don't mean to be insensitive and be like, "Oh my god, I'm doing well, but I'm still sad." It feels dumb. But it's real, and it relates to something we've talked a lot about in my course: comparison helps no one. Just because someone else has "Capital T" trauma, doesn't mean your "little t" trauma is invalid. I don't even think our brains or bodies can recognize the difference between the two, so it's important to validate all feelings that we have, in whatever way we need to, and then find a way to cope, do better, and/or move on. Surrender is the name of the game. Have faith that you know what to do, and then do those things. For me and my current challenges, I know that what I need to do is spend more time in my personal practice (yoga, mediation, prayer, etc). So, today I'll be dedicating several hours to that. My belief is that we all know (deep down) what fills us up, or what makes us happy. If you feel like you don't, my suggestion is to sit down, close your eyes, get silent and just listen.

My wish for you (and myself) is that you have more peace than you have worry. More joy than sorrow. More clarity than confusion. I pray that Source/God/Spirit/The Universe protects you and your energy from things that steal your peace or joy. You are worthy of everything you've ever wanted. You deserve freedom from anxiety, fear, anger, or pain. I pray that all the emotions which are no longer serving you gently fade away, and are replaced with all the feelings you love. The new moon (which was technically on 11/14) is supplying us with a fresh-start feeling. It's a chance to begin again. And so it is.

Your growth and peace are within reach.